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by Kate Sweeney
It’s about seeing who you become.
In June, I wrote a blog article about what eating disorder recovery is. You can read it here. As a follow up to that post, I am writing about the idea of letting go as a step towards ED recovery.
The process of getting ‘there’ - being in recovery - and finding how you want to be in relation to food, body, movement, relationships, work, self and more is a process.
I find that letting go - of the eating disorder (ED) as an identity, of fear, of shame- is important to reach recovery.
Why is letting go important?
Letting go comes with a glimmer of ‘something else’, another potential path, even if you’re not sure what that looks like.
Letting go is an important step for clients struggling with binge eating, food restriction, exercise compulsion, purging and more. This is illustrated in memoirs like Good Girls and Famished and in the (very limited) scientific literature.
Letting go requires vulnerability, and working through shame and worthiness.
Being vulnerable allows for courage, bravery and showing up for yourself. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you connect with yourself and others and can feel seen. This gives your eating disorder a lot less room to breathe. You are able to feel safe without it being so loud.
We can thank the eating disorder for being there for you and let go at the same time.
An Illustration of Letting Go
In a recent meta ethnography (Morgan Eaton, 2020), a form of interpretive qualitative research that compares key metaphors and concepts across studies to identify themes and insight into a phenomenon, the author examined 12 qualitative studies with 299 participants with the goal of answering the question:
What are the experiences of recovery from the perspective of those who have overcome an eating disorder?
The theme the research found is described using a swimming metaphor (Figure 2, which, of course I love as a swimmer!).
The steps identified are:
The eating disorder as a life jacket
Drowning: recognizing consequences
Treading the surface: contemplating recovery
Swimming: the path toward recovery
Reaching shore: a sense of freedom.
The author found people use the eating disorder for survival and as an identity. At some point, the individual realizes the consequences of the eating disorders - the trade offs they are making.
For instance, a client of mine once told me that being smaller to run faster was no longer serving them because the consequences of being smaller included poor bones, repeat injury and actually, exhaustion.
The trade off no longer made sense for them.
After recognizing the consequences, there is a point of contemplating recovery after a ‘wake up call’ and deciding whether or not to seek help.
When someone has the courage to engage in treatment, and learn new coping strategies without the safety of their ED behaviors, it moves them in the direction of ‘swimming’ on their own, without the ED.
How do you let go and reach shore?
When someone lets go and is willing to see what their life will be without the eating disorder, they swim toward shore by breaking habits and compulsions and learning alternative coping strategies.
It is totally normal to be afraid of letting go. It is extremely scary.
There is the fear of what life will be like without the eating disorder.
And, yet, the trade off is worth it. As a client recently told me, they feel that being free from the eating disorder has meant saving their own life.
Here are potential steps to getting there:
Find effective providers and form a ‘team’. It is extremely important to have a good support system and have a team of skilled providers. Parents, friends, coaches, teachers and more are also team members. Being open with what is going on can help the ED part have less room to breathe.
Forming a strong therapeutic relationship with providers is shown to be a positive factor for change. Espíndola and Blay’s (2009) comprehensive synthesis highlighted that health care provider empathy is a positive factor promoting recovery.
Surrendering the ED food rules, compulsions and patterns to a regular, adequate eating pattern with less compulsive behaviors. This may mean:
Meeting your meal plan, if you have one.
Not weighing and measuring food as much or at all.
Reducing body checking or weight taking.
Eating full-fat foods instead of low calorie ones.
Eating breakfast the morning after a binge.
Nourishing your body and mind, even if a part of you is scared.
Building awareness of your thought patterns and emotions and how they influence your behavior. By doing so, you can then work to shift your thought patterns and cope with emotions by learning alternative coping strategies for your emotions.
Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Dialectic Behavioral Therapy and other therapeutic techniques are very helpful for this work so finding an expert in these may be helpful.
Relinquising control and sitting with discomfort and uncertainty. This may mean sitting with the not knowing of if you’ll gain weight, not knowing if you will get a work promotion, not knowing if someone else will love you, etc.
A client of mine told me yesterday that for her, letting go means trusting people and letting them help her, letting them take control of things once in a while.
Provide self-compassion. When the critical voice is loud and telling you how much you suck, and how you could be better, take a deep breath and try to think about how you would respond if you’re friend was struggling with something similar. Can you give yourself that same kindness?
Closing Thoughts
Letting go is being vulnerable and willing to see how life can be without the eating disorder thoughts and behaviors.
Through the practice of letting go, research shows individuals:
Discover self-acceptance
Have enhanced self-awareness
Feel strong in their decisions and in themselves
What I find is that individuals find a sense of self, and view their worth without contingencies.
Life is not easy when you’re on shore and you’ll be able to handle hard times with the new skills and tools you have. You will navigate life when hard things come up and you will also feel joy and purpose.
Letting go of the eating disorder will provide you a life worth living.
Resources:
Dawson, L., Rhodes, P., and Touyz, S. “Doing the impossible”: the process of recovery from chronic anorexia nervosa. Qual Health Res. 2014; Apr;24(24):494-505.
de Vos, et al. Identifying fundamental criteria for eating disorder recovery: a systematic review and qualitative meta-analysis. J of Eat Disord. 2017;5:34.
Espindola, C and Blay, S. Long term remission of anorexia nervosa: factors involved in the outcome of female patients. PLoS One. 2013;8(2):e56275.
LaMarre, A., and Rice, C. Recovering Uncertainty: Exploring Eating Disorder Recovery in Context. Cult Med Psychiatry. 2021. 45:706–726.
Morgan Eaton, Carrie. Eating Disorder Recovery: A Metaethnography. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association. 2020, Vol. 26(4) 373–388
Venturo-Conerly, K., et al. Why I recovered: A qualitative investigation of factors promoting motivation for eating disorder recovery. Int Jour of EDs. 2020.
DOI: 10.1002/eat.23331
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